Ti hei mauri ora. Adversity is an integral part of life. And it is how one handles difficulty that reveals ones mana (character). Yesterday my mana was severely tested (and to be honest I am still feeling the effects right now) and I can honestly say the future of this Feature Film was once again put to the test. In other words I felt like giving in, giving up, going home. Because I am only here in rat city, Tamaki Makaurau...Auckland, to make my movie! I left behind a beautiful whanau whare...family house where I live right next to Omamari beach! No noise, except the sea. Beautiful walks on a isolated moana...sea shore. Heaps of kai moana...sea food. And for what? Ha ha ha. A concrete jungle. Constant noise and rude aggro people (not everyone of course, but enough! Ha ha ha). Pollution. No where to go and just chill, relax, focus. And I made this sacrifice (jeez I sound like a martyr ha ha ha) to make Te Toa...The Warrior. Because this is the FINAL chance. This time it is ALL or NOTHING. Either it is successfully completed, or, I will NEVER, EVER try again. Seriously. I have worked on making this happen, by myself basically, for five years now. No outside funding etc. But that is ok, it is how it should be, as in essence it is my dream. I wrote the script, I have visualized it, it's essence is permeated deep down into my heart and soul. Above all, I passionately and unequivocally desire to make it. To make this beautiful taonga tapu...sacred treasure into a dream from reality. And as I have said before, that is fucken hard to do, to turn a dream, especially a big one, into reality! Because between a dream and reality is what I have always defined as the abyss. And the abyss is made up of one's fears, doubts, flaws of character, obstacles, lack of money etc. etc. etc. The list is endless really! Ha ha ha. And for many people, and many dreams, this is where their dreams DIE. Literally. Whew (big exhale). So I can choose to give up and go home, which I know if I did, deep down in my ngakau me wairua...heart and soul where the truth resides, it would eat away at me and leave me with a PROFOUND sense of disappointment and frustration. And I know what that feels like, as one of my former big dreams was to go over to Syria and make a doco about the war there. But, for various reasons, even though I tried my very best to make it happen, it never did. And to this day that failure has haunted me. But, I try not to dwell on the failures of the past, but rather the possible successes of the future. So, I am not going to let this dream die. No. Not this dream. This time I am going to overcome the abyss and make it happen. Ae...yes! Everything has been falling into place and there is now a real energy, a real flow. I have the basic micro low budget I need, which means I have the professional sound and camera equipment required. I also have a excellent cast as well. So for their sake, it has to be made as well. Just to respect all the time, energy and effort they have been putting in. Plus of course all my own time, energy and effort I have been put in, unpaid, over the last five years, and of course the very real sacrifice of moving from beautiful Omamari beach to rat city and also selling my much loved V6 Holden Commodore ex-polce car to finance this dream will all have been in vain! Ha ha ha. So what am I going to do? Keep on keeping on. Ka pai.
We had a excellent Team Hui...meeting yesterday and read through of certain scenes. I was very impressed with the quality of the actors involved, it being our first read through. So kia-ora to everyone who came. We will be shooting the first scenes in April and hopefully filming will be wrapped by the end of May. Now that everything is starting to flow, there is a real energy and excitement flowing. I am really looking forward to shooting the first scenes and so over the next two weeks will be going hard to get everything in place so the shoot goes effortlessly and to a professional standard. Ka pai.
Filming will take place as and when everything is in place. I hope to begin the first scenes in the bush ASAP.
Have made the big move. Shock to the system, moving from our beautiful whanau whare at Omamari beach (quiet, peaceful, kaimoana (seafood) etc., back here to the big smoke! But, it is exciting and now the adventure is going to begin. Will be staying here in Auckland until the movie is made. Hope to start shooting the first scenes in May, then keep filming as and when everything is in place. I will be staying here until it is created. Of that I am 100% resolved. THIS TIME IT WILL HAPPEN AND THE DREAM WILL BE MADE INTO REALITY!
Ti hei mauri ora. After a complete break from this project, I have now been able to re-align and refocus my energies and as such am moving back to Tamaki Makaurau for the primary purpose of making Te Toa...The Warrior. No more excuses, no more hesitations, no more fears, no more doubts, just 100% COMMITMENT until it is made, completed, created. Ka pai.
Ti hei mauri ora! I just looked back on my old written journals and see that I first began this project, Te Toa...The Warrior, in January 2016. Five years ago. A lot has happened since then. And of course the dream and desire to create it is still there, but I have made the decision to take a complete break for a while. Just so I can recuperate, readjust, realign. So that is what I am going to do. And that is a good thing I think. As you can only go so hard in whatever you do, than you just burn out. Also, look at Papatuanuku...our Earth Mother. Back in the old days we Maori use to put the kumara seed into her, work the land, harvest, then give her a complete REST. She would need to lie fallow, to recuperate, and then her whenua would come back more lush, stronger and nicer than ever. So in the same way, I am going to follow that same kaupapa for Te Toa---The Warrior. After five years, I am giving this kaupapa a COMPLETE rest. No more blogs, trying to source financing etc. No more storyboarding etc. Just a complete break, then once I know the time is right, I will recommit to seeing this beautiful dream being made into reality. Ka pai.
Ti hei mauri ora! I think the greatest tragedy in life is never fulfilling one's heart felt dream(s). And this can be for many reasons, fear, self-doubt, negativity, addictions, and, one of the main ones of course, lack of finances. And doesn't that suck? That money is usually always required to turn a dream (goal) into reality. Especially for those of us who are passionate Film Makers. For example my Guerrilla Styles Feature Film Te Toa...The Warrior, which I have been working on trying to make happen for five years now. FIVE FUCKEN YEARS! He he he. But, seriously though, it does get damn discouraging and seems utterly hopeless at times. But for whatever reason, I still truly believe, somehow, in someway, it will happen. I mean if I had just $25,000 (and I say 'just', as most films are made for at least $3,000,000 - $4,000,000 here in Aotearoa) it would be made today! Well, not today, but it would be INEVITABLE that it would be made as I would have the resources to buy all my propos, costumes, food, equipment etc. Because money is ENERGY. Pure energy. It gives one the means to turn one's dreams (goals) into concrete and tangible reality. So, what do I need to do? Keep going. Just keep going. And believe somehow, in someway, it will be INEVITABLE that this beautiful dream comes true.